Finals Next Week and I am starving

This is the time I usually get real ignorant with it. I feel I can't study without stuffing my face with something. I usually stay in one spot from hours on end, which means in front of the computer. So no kind of exercise. I am so hungry right now. I have been sticking to my diet for.... 3 weeks on Friday. I have had occasional pains for sweets and junk foods, but I just have to ignore it. As soon as my husband comes home I want to eat dinner but he doesn't he eats a late lunch so he wants to eat at 8 and 9 at night. By then I am dying. Like right now I want to sneak off and eat something just so I can be satisfied. When I got on the scale earlier it said I had lost about 10 or 9 give or take. I have to keep going. I want my damn cheek bones back!

Call me Pookie from New Jack

I haven't had any sweets or anything made from flour since Thursday. Oh! And let me not forget coffee! I have not tasted the Starbucks since Thursday too how many days has it been??? My last sweet beverage was a mocha frappacino. I am craving like a mug. This is hard but I need to do something. I was engaging in some very negative behavior regarding food and I need to stop. It is affecting everything. It is some very fat shit to be eating honey sandwiches at 2 in the morning! I was going through loafs of bread even my husband started giving me the side eye. Lord.

Actually I was binging. That is more accurate without the purging but who knows that shit might be next if I don't get it together. I was never a skinny girl always curvy but it was cute curvy this right here is something else. I would never publicly say how much I weigh because that varies based on body shape and bone structure. For instance my husband looks skinny but I have seen people that are his same height and weight and they look normal. He has a delicate bone structure. Me on the other hand I carry my weight better but it is getting out of hand. Next thing I know I will be having a booty do.

So anyway I pray I can stay away from the darksided food that is making my booty spread.

Sad Face

My husband sent me an email with pictures of me from about 4 years ago. They immediately depressed me. I am a fat cow now. I just can't believe I have blown up like this in the past 3 years its terrible. So damn depressing but I have done it to myself. No one to blame but me.

Lenten

I am on a fast today..I have a headache.
I gave up Twitter..
now back to studying.

I am stuck

I still have not lost anymore god darn weight! I have been stuck for 2 weeks now! Son of a bitch.

Pissed

Weigh ins this week suck. I did not lose any weight but I gained a pound. This is the point where I get stuck and want to say fuck it and eat a 5 Guys burger. I need to get over this hump! Perhaps I am not eating enough calories. I am most definitely am not eating more. So this week I am going to work at increasing my vegetables. Dieting fucking sucks I tell you.

I believe in setting mini goals

When I weighed in this morning I am at the weight I usually get when I am feeling myself and start to fuck up. I lost 3 more lbs. So my goal is to get down from this number. I hope to do it by next weigh in. I am focus ya'll I need to get my shit together! It is so tempting to eat bullshit I tell you. And the Mister is still continuing to eat the good shit all up in my face. Skinny people can suck it.

I need to stop being negative. I have only been on a diet for for a week and have lost 9 pounds that is pretty good. And I am thankful. Now my next mini goal will be 5 more pounds. Let's get it! I want to hit that before Thanksgiving!

Thus Far

I would have to agree wholeheartedly that dieting sucks MONKEY gotdam balls! Food is a pleasure for me much like looking at naked bodies are for men. And I am not getting off! I started my diet last Sunday and I am happy to report I have lost 6 pounds! Hooray! I am sure it is just water but let a bitch live for a moment! I have also not done shit this weekend! I read a little bit of a book for class but other than that I have been on the internet looking for ways to update my style. Which is a waste a time because I don't do shit but go to school and come home. No one sees me really. I need to be focused on school work...I think I am just becoming over it. And I have 2 papers I need to right that are quite intensive. Lord help me!

I went to see Precious and my remarks on that deserve a whole blog not just a blurb. On the whole I think I am in good spirits considering that my ass be day dreaming about cakes and cookies. Ain't that just so fat shit??? I don't give a damn its true. If I lose 30lbs. there will be no living with me, do you hear me?!?! I am going to work it do you hear me. I am already improving upon my make skills..so yeah.. be prepared.

Sorry this blog is all over the place but fuck that life and the way my mind works.

I am telling you

I am so fat right now. Matter of fact my pants is not buttoned right now. (FAT SHIT) It seems like fat is trying to take over everything. Its affecting my sex life. (I have NO sex drive) I don't even want to get on a scale I probably would faint. I was doing good in the summer with my runs but since school has started I have fell off. I never ever thought I would get this big. So today I have started dieting. It is so hard because I love to eat. Whatever is full of fat and sugar I love it! I am on some fat shit I know!

None of my jeans are shirts fit right. My body has morphed from Beyonce to Tocarra! I can't stand it. Oh and Tocarra with no titties at that. I have big arms now! I never had big arms before. But anyway I am going to stop bitching about it and do it. Its tiring when people complain about shit and don't do nothing about it. Wishing this weight off is not gonna make it so.

Not having sugar is going to kill me ya'll just don't know I have been on some fat shit! Have Starbucks and cake Mon-Thur at school rather than eating some damn food. I am a mess!