Today..

Was hard..When I first heard of Michael Jackson's passing I didn't expect it to affect me the way it had. Tears flowed and flowed. All I can see was this man who loved to perform who was gentle and sweet and we just shitted on him and now..he is gone. I grew up with Michael there was never a time in my life he wasn't there. He was my first crush. I remember being so proud of him and thinking how cute he was. This BLACK man ruled. Do you hear me! No one..no one was more famous than he. Artists aspire to be like him but they can't touch it. He is legend. They just don't have artists like him anyone that lived and breathe the art they created. I know he is weeping with us, at all the love being put out in the atmosphere for him. It was like my brother died..but I would have been the ghetto sister cussing muthafuckers out for running my brother's name through the mud. I would have beat bitches in to the concrete. I wouldn't let any body fuck with him. But he wasn't my brother.... I know they say he belonged to all of us and to a point he did but he belonged to his family. He was a breathing human being not a personality or Jacko or all that bullshit. He was Michael Joseph Jackson, a son, brother and father.

Michael was a grown man and he made the choices he made and who am I to judge. That man carried weight. Folks talk about him as if he worked at Kinko's we can't compare his life to ours or judge his choices. We just can't. As I watched the memorial service for him the tears began to flow again. Our Michael is gone. Children have lost their father. I can't even imagine! Those poor poor kids. I hope people leave them alone. Please leave them alone. And Katherine! That was her child! No mother ever ever thinks about burying their child. I am depressed about the whole situation and confused to weep for a man I never knew is confusing. Why do I hurt like I do. Why do I want to hug his family and tell them how sorry I am. Who am I? Maybe its because we grew up with them. I don't know but lord I have cried a river today.

Everyone at the memorial to me touched on all sides of Michael the performer, the friend, the brother, the father. None of us are one thing are we? I was wanted to cuss when I saw Al Sharpton and was ready to get army marching to tell him to shut up but when he spoke to the kids I was like YES YES. "Nothing is strange about your daddy, what he had to deal with was strange" That was the truth. He saved himself because I was ready to ring the alarm with all that shouting he was doing. Brooke's shaking hands... But for me who truly captured the memorial was Stevie Wonder. Oh my God his song choices!!! The Lyrics to They Won't Go When I Go was so poignant. I am crying now just thinking of it. Stevie you are a genius and a blessing.. Fuck the haters Michael..they can't touch you...

Paris baby girl..thank you for being strong and speaking for your Daddy. A father is a girl's first love. She broke my heart because she is having to be strong and experience something that my 34 year old ass can't comprehend. When she called him Daddy it just broke my heart. Daddy means something to a girl I can't explain it. Thank you for being a brave girl and letting us know how much you loved him. We appreciate, respect and cherish that the first words we heard you speak was for the love of your father. I know this blog sounds like a babbling hot mess but I had to write it. Typo's, fucked up grammar and all. It's from the heart. Thank you Michael I pray and hope your soul is at peace in God's glory. I love you..I love you..