PMDD

PMDD is premenstrual dysphoric disorder which is a disorder where you have wild mood swings prior to the start of your period. I am not talking about extra bitchiness, I mean depression, binge eating, disinterest in relationships or life, crying, and basic all out crazy woman shit. I have never been diagnosed by a professional but I think I have this shit! I have been journaling and I notice I get very depressed, disinterested and crazy around the time of the month. I want to lock myself up in a room and cry, not talk to anyone and binge on sweets. Usually on day 2 of my period those extreme feelings go away but sometimes its the whole damn duration.

Like right now I recognize that I am feeling off, I don't want to talk to anyone and I don't feel like pretending to be happy. Earlier I went to get some Shepherd's pie and I was like DAMN IT where is all of it? And I started to feel anger. I was like my husband probably took some extra to share with his co-workers and I got mad! LOL I don't know if that is the case or not but when I caught myself in the reflection of the microwave my ass looked ready to kill! LOL I can laugh at it now but at the time I was like this is some crazy shit! I can even tell on here when I was on my period by my damn posts. When I am extra critical on myself and sad its because my period is about to start or has just barely started!

Here is some information I found online..I have all of these symptons! Oh lord... wait, can I get Ambien for this?

https://health.google.com/health/ref/Premenstrual+dysphoric+disorder

Silly Ho: I'm so lonely

There is this person I use to be good friends with back in the day. I recently found her again on facebook and I am a bit amazed by her. First of all I didn't realize she was so damn ghetto! So very tacky. Her hair... I am just waiting for her to show up on hotghettomess.com but that isn't what has me gagging. Its her neediness. Although I share some personal things on this site and on other blog sites I have had. I have never ever ever whined in public about not having a man! That is just something you don't do. No one wears desperation well!

This particularly person is very depressed over being single..she can't be no more than 32 or 33. She meets men and quickly things seem to go sour. And why do I know this??? She puts this shit all on facebook. She is coming off mad desperate. This week really killed me because she wrote a note talking about she has spent alot of time wondering why she is single and why a man doesn't want to marry her. She then goes on to say that it is because God is getting her ready for the right man. Ok then girl. Now that had to be 2 days ago, today she posted a nasty note talking about fucking for 3 1/2 hours! At least that is what it sounded like. I asked her what was the post about and she said nothing. Again ok then girl.

She needs to write this shit down in a journal and keep her whining to herself..no wonder white folks are always on the news talking about single black women. Its because their asses is out in public whining! Even on twitter not a day goes by that someone isn't saying black men ain't shit, I wish I had a man..yadda yadda yadda. I never ever was like that, maybe it is because I am an only child so I had to learn to entertain myself. Or maybe it's because I am lazy. It takes a lot of work to be in a relationship..I rather be alone if I wasn't with my husband. I never wrapped my value up in what a man thought of me. Fuck men they are stupid for the most part. They are beholden to their dick and can't think straight. And they have to work super hard to get someone to fuck them, well a quality fuck. I can't. I am glad I am a woman vulnerabilities and all.

If this blog can be a PSA it would be just shut the fuck up about not having a man we don't care and we don't want to hear it. Also take that fucked up looking kool aid weave out your head!

I Am Kind of Pissed Right Now

Actually more like seething with anger and I can't say why I am pissed. I am having to pretend I am OK going along with something that I don't approve of. I am even typing hard. I tell you sometimes I wonder..I really do. I am funny about certain things and I don't think I am ever gonna change in that regard.

Eli Roth is a DOUCHBAG!

Ms. Eli thought it would be chivalrous to post a blog/open letter to the mother of the guy who leaked naked pictures of his skanky new girlfriend.(On Myspace of all places..I guess he figured no one would read it) He basically puts the guy's family personal information out there so that his fans can harass them. He calls the woman a bad evil mother who raised a demon basically. I would agree that the guy is fair game he threw the first novela slap but come on son the MAMA??

How in the fuck is this helping Ms. Peaches. He comes off just as immature as the boy that linked the pictures. What the fuck does his mama have to do with this?? To me that is some bitchass shit! All you are showing us is that Ms. Peaches has terrible taste in men. She apparently has a hard on for men with the mental maturity of a 12 year old. If I was the leaker guy I would be waiting outside Ms. Eli's house with a taser and a super soaker full of piss for daring to come after my mom for some shit I did.

Ms. Eli claimed the guy caused hurt to Ms. Peaches career. Bitch please! Rule #1 NEVER EVER let some dude take naked pictures of you!!! If you do roll with the consequences. She wasn't worried about her future when she got high with that boy and got buck ass naked! Come on now.

A real grown woman would have owned up to that shit and said yes I did it. It was stupid but you live and learn. Neutralize that shit. Be a woman about it. The fact of the matter is people had forgot about that ho and her ho pictures because she isn't anybody. And here he comes like a douchbag from hell bringing more attention to the matter. She is a girl from a rich family that has not done anything substantial but do some ho shit like said pictures. She don't need your so called chivalry.

Ms. Eli need to get it together he to old to play on the playground like this!

PS.
I am sorry the grammar is probably a mess but I am in a hurry I just had to get this out.

I am stuck

I still have not lost anymore god darn weight! I have been stuck for 2 weeks now! Son of a bitch.

Pissed

Weigh ins this week suck. I did not lose any weight but I gained a pound. This is the point where I get stuck and want to say fuck it and eat a 5 Guys burger. I need to get over this hump! Perhaps I am not eating enough calories. I am most definitely am not eating more. So this week I am going to work at increasing my vegetables. Dieting fucking sucks I tell you.

I am telling you

I am so fat right now. Matter of fact my pants is not buttoned right now. (FAT SHIT) It seems like fat is trying to take over everything. Its affecting my sex life. (I have NO sex drive) I don't even want to get on a scale I probably would faint. I was doing good in the summer with my runs but since school has started I have fell off. I never ever thought I would get this big. So today I have started dieting. It is so hard because I love to eat. Whatever is full of fat and sugar I love it! I am on some fat shit I know!

None of my jeans are shirts fit right. My body has morphed from Beyonce to Tocarra! I can't stand it. Oh and Tocarra with no titties at that. I have big arms now! I never had big arms before. But anyway I am going to stop bitching about it and do it. Its tiring when people complain about shit and don't do nothing about it. Wishing this weight off is not gonna make it so.

Not having sugar is going to kill me ya'll just don't know I have been on some fat shit! Have Starbucks and cake Mon-Thur at school rather than eating some damn food. I am a mess!

Today I feel

Unsettled. I just want to lay in bed watch tv and not speak to anyone. All summer I have not done a damn thing but waste time on frivolous things. I have ideas but I never follow through a dreamer with no fire underneath them.

I am not feeling

Grown men acting like 12 year old boys! I find myself rolling my eyes a lot to day. Perhaps I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed this afternoon. Maybe that is my damn problem I have nothing to do. I can clean out and straighten up but who wants to do that every damn day. I feel a bit unstable. But not the Britney Spears 5150 hold unstable more like being mean to people for no real reason unstable.

Tomorrow I take my last final

Yes! I don't think that I will have all A's this semester. I know that I have not applied myself as much. Maybe with working and going to school I was on a tighter shift and had to hold it together. But we will see. I never thought I would have all A's on previous semesters. As I have said my father-in-law and new wife will be in Saturday. I think I have been too busy to be nervous. I have never met him before! I have felt like being alone lately. I need silent time, I don't think my husband gets that. I aggravate him and alienate him I believe. I don't mean to...

I just read Push by Sapphire. I loved it! Its like a ghetto Color Purple with a foul mouth 16 yo. Very good. I plan on blogging about it more. Well I think I better sign off. I am on the laptop in the bedroom and I know my husband will be wanting to come to bed. He does not know about this blog...shit alot of people don't.