Michael Jackson is Dead

I am so hurt and upset. Rest in Peace Michael...

An old school jam of mine

Portishead-Only You

I still think that this video visually is still stunning. Beth Gordon manages to sound like a 40's torch singer but yet still sound so 3000 with it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcsaUJTGcMk

Stank ass universal group disables embedded links. Bitch.

I know I am slipping

I usually blog way more than this. I am still getting use to blogger. I have been connecting with a few of my Navy pals from the past on Facebook. It is so good to laugh with them about the good old days. Damn I was fine back in the day! I am working on that..a little bit. Anyways, some people that have sent me a friend request I don't even know who they are! Claiming they were good friends with so and so. And? What does that have to do with me?? I know that they just want to be nosey. Well that is their right, they can just do it somewhere else. I saw one picture of this ho white girl who referred to me as "that black girl" ain't that something. White women get just as mad when they see their men checking for the brown sugar trust. They are just not as vocal about it.

I have been having this spasm in my right eye. I think it is from looking at a computer screen too much. I need to back away off of this bitch. All in all I would just say that I am happy right now and I am acknowledging it. Too many times I pop up when shit is negative but at this minute I am fine, happy, content oh and bloated. Got damn period! See.

Out of It

I feel out of it! My father-in-law and his new wife have been here since the 15th of May. I am over it. I am not use to entertaining people for this long. Every day there has to be something to do and I am not use to living my life that way. We went to New Orleans for about 4 days it was nice. I haven't been in years so it was different to come to the city as a married woman and not a 20 year old girl. I wish I had that 20 year old body. I am so fat. It has been hard to admit it but I am. I just try to ignore it but when I see pictures of my chunky face and big arms. Its all there. Since the relatives have been here we have literally drink every day. This was the first day where I have not had one taste of alcohol. This is not normal for me!

I am ready to go back to my routine. They are nice well the father-in law is. His wife is another matter. She is nice and means well. She has issues with Muslims she made some comments that was like whaaaaaaat?? I can tell she loves her husband. But she is a party pooper, a negative nancy. She doesn't like anything we pick to eat. She makes comments when we are drinking having a good time. She is just difficult we don't even ask her input anymore. If she doesn't like what we pick to eat. Than just starve bitch, its too much. All this time with the husband has also been an adjustment. I am a shitty wife. I know it. My husband likes a lot of affection and romance and I am just not feeling it. At all. It seems as though as soon as I got married I changed. I picked up weight the affection came to a slow down. It is what we argue about most. I don't know what happened. If I was horny like everyday my marriage would be a piece of cake. Maybe marriage is not for me. Maybe I have been a lone wolf so long being a couple throws me the fuck off. ARGH. If he cheats or wants to leave the relationship. I won't even be surprised. That's sad to say. But it is truthful. I am crazy. I know it.

I took alot of pictures of my trip I will try and post them later. We went to a plantation in Louisiana I learned a bit about creoles. Since I am a history nutt that was right up my alley. What was strange was slaves were like a passing thought. We could not be in the main house unattended but the slave house is where the tour ended and we had full range of that shack. It was strange.

Oh BTW-I got my Spring grades I got all A's. Still a 4.0 student...that doesn't proofread her blogs! Trifling.

Tomorrow I take my last final

Yes! I don't think that I will have all A's this semester. I know that I have not applied myself as much. Maybe with working and going to school I was on a tighter shift and had to hold it together. But we will see. I never thought I would have all A's on previous semesters. As I have said my father-in-law and new wife will be in Saturday. I think I have been too busy to be nervous. I have never met him before! I have felt like being alone lately. I need silent time, I don't think my husband gets that. I aggravate him and alienate him I believe. I don't mean to...

I just read Push by Sapphire. I loved it! Its like a ghetto Color Purple with a foul mouth 16 yo. Very good. I plan on blogging about it more. Well I think I better sign off. I am on the laptop in the bedroom and I know my husband will be wanting to come to bed. He does not know about this blog...shit alot of people don't.

Lois Lane Got Her Black on

Someone had posted this on twitter and I liked to died when I read it. C-O-M-E-D-Y. Baby Girl Lois Lane got her black on to find out what it is like to be "black like me" it is so entertaining.

"No one will speak to me"

"That mother wheeled her baby from me as if I were the plague"

"...but never forget she is WHITEY"

"She lives in MISERY and asks if she can help me."

Lord the lines is just non stop. When Lois gets her African swag on its.. its just priceless.

http://cacb.wordpress.com/2008/11/21/lois-lane-i-am-curious-black/

I Love This Artist

I ran across Jenn Porreca's artwork on myspace.com and instantly fell in love with it. I would love to own a painting (not a print) of her work. I love her use of colors and her design aesthetic. Such a different take on Asian imagery. I thought I would share with you a couple of my favorite pieces. An artist that is able pursue their passions are always inspiring to me, because it is hard. Very few are able to support themselves and do it full time. You have to be brave and confident in your abilities which is easier said than done. I hope that you enjoy her artwork and support artists!

Here is her website:
http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=93471033514206199

Hectic Time for Me

Finals are coming up. I have my father-in-law and his new wife coming to visit shortly. We have not made any preparations! I know I am going to be running around like a chicken with its head cut off. My husband is not worried about a thing.I know he is like umm they can sleep on the floor or something. But I just can't! I have a lot of ideas on subject matters I want to blog about. I just have no time at the moment. I want to recommend a couple of movies and short stories to read. Things are good. I am really trying to work on writing when things are good and not just overly depressing. I don't believe that I will have all A's this semester but hey who knows I might can pull it off.

Man Tylenol PM is kicking my ass right now!

Walking on Sunshine

LOL

Today is not a good day

I feel incredibly tender. I am raw and I feel at any moment that I could break into sobs. When people want to know why you hurt the only answer I can give is, its everything yet nothing at all. I can't bear to look at myself in the mirror lately. Everything looks ugly, everything smells of desperation. Disgusted. I hate feeling this way. I know it will pass but when you feel this way its almost unbearable. The isolation, there is nothing anyone else can do for you. Its up to you to get right. I not only feel my own pain but I also feel the pain of others. I can intellectualize everything that is wrong with me that I can improve upon and yet I do nothing significant about it. Its weakness and I can't stand it. I can't stand weak people, I have no patience. Yet every once in a while I become what I can't stand the most and its exhausting. Am I punishing myself?

I feel guilty for feeling this way.I wish I could just go somewhere for a while and lick my wounds and have the world pause for me while I get myself together but that's not how life works. You have to keep going. People don't stop for you. As painful as it is, I keep at at. I comb my hair, I put my make up on, I smile at the appropriate times. I make people laugh and I keep going even when everything in me screams just lay down it ain't working.